Constellations #2: Survival Strategies

There is a part of me, when I look now, that is always hopeless. Always sad. Now that I have seen her I cannot unsee her and I cannot comfort her. She has always been sad and inconsolable which is why I haven’t looked or, at least, lack of being able to ever comfort her means I always have to turn away in the end, … Continue reading Constellations #2: Survival Strategies

Constellations

Project Ready to galvanise my grief into something positive, I visited a hypnotherapist to enhance my resolve for a new creative project (What to do with negative emotions). Unfortunately it didn’t go at all as I had imagined. I had already begun to feel empowered, that I was taking control of my negative emotions, would be soon turning them into something else, of creative value, … Continue reading Constellations

What to do with negative emotions

This might actually be me giving up on looking for romantic love. After my last internet dating experience my thought was ‘I don’t know if I am going to do this again’, and as it stands now I am still thinking that I probably won’t. The feelings of disappointment were so great they were becoming all consuming (Internet dating as a woman? Its shit.). And … Continue reading What to do with negative emotions

Its packing the clothes that gets me…

I’ve packed lots of other stuff without a second thought – books, papers, CD’s, ornaments… but somehow my clothes seem different. Maybe its because, picking up the first batch of folded clothes on the bed I notice the bag I am about to put them into says ‘TO TAKE’, from when I labelled it for leaving Leeds. Then it hits me – the sadness – … Continue reading Its packing the clothes that gets me…

I want a child

I can pinpoint the exact day I decided I wanted to have a child. Friday 13th January 2017. It was precipitated, necessitated by; a) Sometimes feeling lost, alone and having existential crises in Mexico – for it not being the constant joyous romp I had imagined it would. (Though of course the joy and romp I did in fact experience has been well documented in … Continue reading I want a child

Oaxaca Ciudad, Mexico

Oaxaca City = really pretty. Something I noticed since I arrived in Mexico are the bright colours everywhere. Here the colonial houses are painted in beautiful bold colours which contrast dramatically with the bright blue skies. They have amazing mercados (markets), and I wandered into one for some lunch one day – its was a huge indoor space made of comidas (eateries) next to one another … Continue reading Oaxaca Ciudad, Mexico

I took the blue pill…

The below post was written from the very insecure, depressed place of a comedown. I had taken a little something with newlover (the subject of Practising Letting Go), which was really really fun, but unfortunately in payment for this, the very next day my confidence and sense of personal safety decided to pack their bags and slip out post-haste via the back door, only to gradually begin … Continue reading I took the blue pill…

Kids & Joy & Selfish Me

I don’t have the love of children or given my beliefs, won’t be relying on the longevity of a partner relationship to nourish me so, for survival, I need to seek this from elsewhere. Actually the absence of children and a partner to love and love me back means I don’t have the ties and responsibility that go with it, what I have is freedom. … Continue reading Kids & Joy & Selfish Me