Valentina knows I’m writing this. I asked her permission. ‘I want to tell everyone about you – you are such a wonderful character, they have to know how fun you are!!’

‘They will just think I’m a weirdo with an eating disorder’.

No, that’s part of you but that part of you says more about how much you achieve in spite of what you have to deal with everyday, how much harder you have to work just to get through the day. Like having the handbrake on (as my therapist from several years ago once said to me).

Valentina suffers from chronic pain due to hip problems she has had since birth and complications from the hip replacements she has had to undergo. She can’t sit down very much at all, as this exacerbates the pain. She is in pain every morning when she wakes due to having lain down for the night. I can’t imagine, and can’t bear to, I tell her, what it must be like for her having to live with this.

Apparently it is not uncommon for people living with chronic pain, apart from contemplating suicide, to find another way to exert control over their own lives/situations/bodies. For Valentina it is an eating disorder.

But Valentina is not just her health problems. She is a hilarious, sometimes extreme and charmingly open and honest woman. I love being her friend – just look at the amazing stories she told me about the unorthodox methods she’s been employing to meet her dream man…

In her search for a boyfriend, Valentina paid rather a large sum of money for a love potion (wonderfully named ‘El Diablo’) in order to secure the attentions of a bloke she fancies at work. However, Mr. Magician needed said man’s date of birth to complete the spell, so Valentina hired a private investigator to find this out. ‘Valentina?!’ I said, ‘I would have Facebooked him for you for half the money!!’.

In any case, the (21 day, very powerful apparently) spell is cast and should be finished now. Apparently the talisman that will be sent to Valentina by Mr. Magician should arrive any day now. I’m looking forward to the updates. How amazing would it be if I could report it has actually worked!!

We hung out recently in London and she told me ‘I have an appointment at 5:30’. OK, I thought, something to do with her hip/ meeting another friend whatever. But no – we (I got to join her when I found out what it was) had a date roaming round St. James Square to oogle all the men in business suits as they came out of their offices! Now, Valentina prefers the older man, ahem – sometimes the much older man (bald preferably), so basically this is her heaven! I love my friends – they always show me parts of life & perspectives on it I never would find just looking by myself. The area itself is rather nice too – so many shops for men to coiffure themselves and make themselves pretty. Never seen so many in one place!


Valentina is one of the most open, honest and self-aware people I know and something she and I can discuss very frankly is sex. I always thought of her as a very sexual person. When we first met about 13 years ago she was always going on about how much she loved men and ‘dicks’ (one of her favourite words). I had worried that in the illness this had been lost and perhaps it has to a degree, but I was very pleased to discover she has a young lover where she lives in Scotland. She has seen this blog and we discussed The Orgasm Gap. In relation to this she put it more succinctly than I ever could have;

‘I don’t do unless they do – if they are going to be selfish I am too’.

She could have written the post for me with that 1 sentence!!

Valentina – you are awesome, you are unique and I love having you as a friend. I wish you only better & continuously improving health and happiness from now on.

One thought on “Valentina

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s