‘no idea what to call this post’

What’s up with me today? Just don’t have the va va voom, the confidence I did before, the last few days actually. Last week I was let down twice by tinder dates. Really got to me. I had thought ‘Finally! I want EXACTLY what men want to give me!!!’ but turns out noooo, some of them can’t get their shit together enough to even offer that! (well for this week at least…). (I did have other offers but I hadn’t met them before and they wanted me to go straight to theirs and that’s another noooo – safety first. Although one of them was a 6ft 5” Olympic boxer!! 😉 Hopefully he will be in touch again….)

But for now, I just feel shit. And before I felt great. I wasn’t going to even mention it, but it’s really affecting my motivation to get down to write – all my good ideas, I was so excited about, and now I feel – nothing really, no kind of motivation or joy in it at all. What’s happened?!!? I REALLY hope this is temporary. It feels like there’s an enormous rough bastard of a hare sitting inside of my chest where my lungs should be. He’s a fucking intruder – get him the fuck OUT of me! I’ve got shit to do. Happiness and excitement to feel, he’s really in my way. What a rude inconsiderate bastard.

The rude, inconsiderate bastard whose taken up residence where my lungs should be. 

I find the best thing to do in this case is just to write what’s going on for you in that moment. Its real, honest – its your voice. This is what for me is so true and honest about blogs – the sometimes stream of consciousness, the honesty that comes across about that persons experience in the moment – their excitement, their worry, fear and their joy, their sadness, their struggle. A blog can be about anything, but this way of writing makes it all so human and relate-able. That’s the thing, we’re all fundamentally human, and seeing that humanity come out in people’s blogs is what makes them so raw – its exciting, and such a great community to be a part of.

As it happens its also Mental Health Day today. And too bloody right – too much shame and silence & stigma around even the most basic of mental health issues, making them so much harder to deal with than they should be.

I suppose I could be experiencing a version of SAD: http://www.sada.org.uk/index_2.php

I haven’t really had this before but this year I am truly glum about the onset of the cold weather – more staying inside, less energy, more sickness, less freedom to comfortably roam outside, less pub gardens with random dates, less nice little summer outfits for them to try and get into…. and lets face it – that at the moment is my ‘raison d’etre’.

This was me just the other day. Like WTF happened?!!

As I’ve said before, the only trouble with filling your life with fun is when that fun isn’t there, you just have to grin and bear it. Yup, this year more than any other; winter is not my friend.

Still, all is hopefully not lost. I have a date booked in for Thursday…

This one had BETTER be good.

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