I have been online dating now for a relationship since February/March, so for 5-6 months. This latest rejection has been very hard – I do not know if I will do it again. My response is to want to hurt myself, self destruct. Like many women (in particular), painful feelings I experience are directed inwards rather than exploding in outward anger at the person who has … Continue reading Internet dating as a woman? Its shit.
Having just come back from my brothers (very beautiful, very happy) wedding, I’m caught between two equally legitimate, equally real warring truths; Our aspirations for love, and the reality of life. Of course, as my brothers wedding proves – these can overlap. We can fall in love and marry (if we choose) the person we love and this can be a wonderful and beautiful thing. … Continue reading Please CHANGE the Relationship Rhetoric (FFS!)
For almost a whole month I have not written a post. This is a long hiatus – the longest since I began blogging (albeit less than a year ago!). But there is a really good reason for this – I’ve been busy, suddenly with dates and job applications (in my quest to find a co-parent and financial support respectively) for my potential baby (I want a … Continue reading Learning is painful. And it takes time.
I realise through my candid discussions with newlover how sad it can be to be confronted with someone else’s ‘new paradigm‘ perspective on romantic relationships, like the one I have. The sadness of what he was saying really hit me the other day when we were talking and I wondered if what I say and the beliefs I explore affect people around me who I … Continue reading My relationship world view; negative or pragmatic?
I used to fall for people who I really liked & really fancied. Usually I liked them so much partly because they were somehow unavailable, maybe not looking for a relationship like I was – or at least not with me. Then, my heart having been broken by some such man in a life changing ‘I’m never putting myself through that again’ kind of way, … Continue reading Don’t assume you know my relationship priorities
Its best to leave your dating profile blurb pretty sparse in my opinion. The fact is people see your pictures and project a fantasy of you onto you which may or may not exist in reality. And why not let them? People hang onto these projected fantasies long after any relationship has begun, until such a point as reality hits in maybe a few months or even … Continue reading Dating profiles – less is more
New lovers name should now be changed to oldlover. He wants to get back with his wife. He cant, but that doesn’t affect the impact it has on me of course. I know we weren’t going out together by any stretch but there was at least something pseudo romantic about our engagement. Its a shift for me and its not pleasant. I haven’t had as … Continue reading Non non monogamy
You wait for ages… In all honesty I haven’t waited for ages, and they haven’t all come along at once, but still – at the moment there’s 5 of them. And I feel this is the balance for all those times I had 3 possible dates lined up and they all fell through. Yep – sometimes you’re losing & sometimes…. newlover. He is like, my … Continue reading Men are like buses…
I’ve packed lots of other stuff without a second thought – books, papers, CD’s, ornaments… but somehow my clothes seem different. Maybe its because, picking up the first batch of folded clothes on the bed I notice the bag I am about to put them into says ‘TO TAKE’, from when I labelled it for leaving Leeds. Then it hits me – the sadness – … Continue reading Its packing the clothes that gets me…
I can pinpoint the exact day I decided I wanted to have a child. Friday 13th January 2017. It was precipitated, necessitated by; a) Sometimes feeling lost, alone and having existential crises in Mexico – for it not being the constant joyous romp I had imagined it would. (Though of course the joy and romp I did in fact experience has been well documented in … Continue reading I want a child